Question:
As i am watching myself.. my small mini-me, i find that everything, EVERYTHING, is self-referenced to this individual me. I like this blue sky; that person is annoying me; its too hot; I want something to make me feel good, etc. And the whole point of just about every thought is to protect me or make me feel good. Ok, make who feel good? Who is this me? I dont get much of a response to that question. Just quiet, then i bounce back into "Do i like this? Do I like that?" I tire myself when i realize what i'm doing, but return to observing this separate, "suffering" self.
I went to a Satsang last friday. It was good. I liked it! hahaaaa
Response:
You have to know what the ego is to let it go. That "me" that you refer to, that "me" you self-reference everything to, that "me" is a composite of ideas powered by the central idea of "I am." Each subsequent thought becomes a mirror of this central Narcissus who reincarnates as the thinker of every thought.
The ability to witness the "little me" and all her likes and dislikes forces the AHAA!! moment which is: since I can observe the little me -- this thinker thinking thoughts – truly I Am That which is not the little me. Once you can observe that patterns of mind concerning likes and dislike are repetitive, they will cease to hold your interest. At last you might notice that the compulsion to obsess on likes and dislikes is no longer there - that you are content in just "being."
Question:
Yes-- i "know" that.... it may be slowly leaking its way deeper into my existence, but "I" feel just as i have.... still tied to the body and thoughts that i "know" are not mine.
Response:
The feelings and thoughts are of the body whose name is A____. You are not A____. You are the animating presence which "knows" A____.
In your email you say: "Yes--i "know" that..." The body, with its feelings and thoughts, cannot know anything independent of the Consciousness That you are - and this Consciousness is prior to any knowing you "think" you know.
This is the common dilemma of spiritual seekers - they have not examined the "I" that is seeking, yet they proceed forward into the world armed only with the light of their minds projecting forth pre-conceived images and concepts before them. There is an uninvestigated assumption that one's sense of self, the composite of ideas, memories, assumptions, emotions is qualified to be the seeker. And that the seeker will somehow be transformed into a higher self, and more spiritual self.
And of course they are bound to fail because the "I" that they take themselves to be is in fact an idea – an arbitrary composite. A very abstract idea which continually reinforces itself with the self-projected idea of doership. It is imperative that a sincere seeker contemplate that central position which they assume is real, but will be revealed as false with investigation.
This composite "I" is like a lens through which we not only create a self image, but also world images. This "I" lens is not unlike a filter. The filter is comprised of beliefs, assumptions, attitudes, concepts and emotions. Therefore, it is the very lens we use which makes us doomed to failure in our search for the profound. In fact, the very “idea” that a search is required is just that: an idea which we entangle ourselves in, propelling ourselves into more abstractions based on time and space.
And of course this begs the usual questions: How and why does this occur? Why do we not know who we truly are? The short and simple answer is that Being becomes limited as a persona, and this persona thinks that he is separate from Being and needs to journey back through a set of thought-produced practices (conditions) in order to attain his true Self which is unconditional. That which is unconditional is not dependent on any conditions being met.
