Relationship Inquiry

When you find that you are in conflict with your partner, talking about who is right or wrong just strengthens the impasse, the stuckness. And, when you find that you are just repeating the story, it reinforces a fictional self, like holding your past self in stasis (in limbo) with no room to grow, frozen in past time; it doesn’t take into account your present understanding.

By a process of “inner dialogue” you yourself can discover what is true - not what someone else tells you is true. By asking yourself the following questions before you meet with your partner, you will be benefited by a more open, all-inclusive prospective rather than a narrow mind-oriented subjective viewpoint, which is only interested in being right. The questions repeat themselves as different layers of beliefs and concepts are naturally exposed, each set of questions going deeper and deeper into Truth.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

Without referring to “why” you and your partner (describe conflict) , what have you learned from the experience?

Without justifying yourself, what have you gained?

Without rationalizing yourself, what have you learned?

How has your outlook changed by knowing what you know now?

Without rationalizing the situation, what do you now understand that you didn’t know then?

If you only had 10 minutes more to spend with your partner, what would you say to him/her?

Knowing what you know now, what would you have said to your past self 10 minutes before (describe conflict) .

If your partner could reciprocate your love, how would you feel now?

Can you imagine loving that self within that knows love? Can you imagine being with someone who knows that love is the nature of one’s inner Self? Can you imagine yourself being that love within? Can you imagine being in love with your Self? Can you imagine what would happen if you loved your Self? Can you imagine love guiding your life instead of the idea of “looking for love” guiding your life? Can you imagine love guiding your life instead of “looking for love” outside of your own Self?

If yes, what would you say to your partner now?

How would a relationship look like if neither partner was looking for love?

How would a relationship look like if both partners knew that love is one’s own true Being?

How would a relationship look like if both knew that love is not separate from oneself?

Would there be any more need to “get” love from another?

If both partners knew that love was their core nature, would love happen naturally?

Would there be any more dependency on one’s partner to "get" happiness?

Would there be any more dependency on one’s partner?

What would you be free to give if you were no longer dependent?

Is love ever present, or based on projected needs or external conditions?

That love which is felt when projected needs are met, is that love real?

Could you surrender to your true self which does not need or want anything from another?

Could you give up taking what you thought you needed from another?

Could you begin in this moment to give love without needing anything in return?

By doing this would you become more lovable?

How does your heart center feel now?

How could you express that?

How could you express that to (your partner) ?

Could you express that without a need to justify your past actions?

Could you express love without a need to tell your story?

What happens to the story?

Is it a fiction in your mind?

Can you give up being a prisoner of the attitudes created by your mind, the storyteller?

What would the ideal relationship be like if love was already within each partner and there was no more need to get love, but instead to give Love?

With what you now know, what is an ideal relationship?

Could you express that to (your partner) ?

Would you like to be accepted as you are, without judgment?

Could you accept your partner without judgment?

Can you accept him/her as he/she is?

Can you accept yourself as you are now?

What within you accepts you as you are and he/she as he/she is?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

That which is unconditionally accepting is not attached to your expectations.

That which is unconditionally accepting has always been with the you that has been constantly changing throughout your life.

That which is unconditionally accepting is that which is the silent detached self, within the you that is always changing, and it has always been your innermost Self.

That which is your innermost Self is that which you long to be.

That which is your innermost Self is separated from you only by your belief that your mind and body is yourself.

That which is your innermost Self is the true Self of all appearances: you and your world.

That which is your innermost Self is the innermost of all that appears to you because all that appears is within you.

That is the Self.

And you are That.