Who Knows?

Question:

As i am watching myself.. my small mini-me, i find that everything, EVERYTHING, is self-referenced to this individual me. I like this blue sky; that person is annoying me; its too hot; I want something to make me feel good, etc. And the whole point of just about every thought is to protect me or make me feel good. Ok, make who feel good? Who is this me? I dont get much of a response to that question. Just quiet, then i bounce back into "Do i like this? Do I like that?" I tire myself when i realize what i'm doing, but return to observing this separate, "suffering" self.

I went to a Satsang last friday. It was good. I liked it! hahaaaa

Response:

You have to know what the ego is to let it go. That "me" that you refer to, that "me" you self-reference everything to, that "me" is a composite of ideas powered by the central idea of "I am." Each subsequent thought becomes a mirror of this central Narcissus who reincarnates as the thinker of every thought.

The ability to witness the "little me" and all her likes and dislikes forces the AHAA!! moment which is: since I can observe the little me -- this thinker thinking thoughts – truly I Am That which is not the little me. Once you can observe that patterns of mind concerning likes and dislike are repetitive, they will cease to hold your interest. At last you might notice that the compulsion to obsess on likes and dislikes is no longer there - that you are content in just "being."

Question:

Yes-- i "know" that.... it may be slowly leaking its way deeper into my existence, but "I" feel just as i have.... still tied to the body and thoughts that i "know" are not mine.

Response:

The feelings and thoughts are of the body whose name is A____. You are not A____. You are the animating presence which "knows" A____.

In your email you say: "Yes--i "know" that..." The body, with its feelings and thoughts, cannot know anything independent of the Consciousness That you are - and this Consciousness is prior to any knowing you "think" you know.

This is the common dilemma of spiritual seekers - they have not examined the "I" that is seeking, yet they proceed forward into the world armed only with the light of their minds projecting forth pre-conceived images and concepts before them. There is an uninvestigated assumption that one's sense of self, the composite of ideas, memories, assumptions, emotions is qualified to be the seeker. And that the seeker will somehow be transformed into a higher self, and more spiritual self.

And of course they are bound to fail because the "I" that they take themselves to be is in fact an idea – an arbitrary composite. A very abstract idea which continually reinforces itself with the self-projected idea of doership. It is imperative that a sincere seeker contemplate that central position which they assume is real, but will be revealed as false with investigation.

This composite "I" is like a lens through which we not only create a self image, but also world images. This "I" lens is not unlike a filter. The filter is comprised of beliefs, assumptions, attitudes, concepts and emotions. Therefore, it is the very lens we use which makes us doomed to failure in our search for the profound. In fact, the very “idea” that a search is required is just that: an idea which we entangle ourselves in, propelling ourselves into more abstractions based on time and space.

And of course this begs the usual questions: How and why does this occur? Why do we not know who we truly are? The short and simple answer is that Being becomes limited as a persona, and this persona thinks that he is separate from Being and needs to journey back through a set of thought-produced practices (conditions) in order to attain his true Self which is unconditional. That which is unconditional is not dependent on any conditions being met.

See also: "Anatomy of an Ego...."

What is a Person, Anyway?

From an early age, the inquisitive girl realized that there was nothing personal.  Therefore, she could not “take” things personally.  She had began to understand that people were programmed how to act and how to speak and what to laugh at.   According to their thoughts, they created beliefs about the world.

 

She could see thoughts come and go like bubbles, as if they were objects.  She could day-dream and see thoughts just as one could imagine faces in the clouds.  She understood that imagination was everything and that everything was created from imagination: image-making.

 

Way back when she had been in kindergarten, she had imagined that there was a telescope with which she was being watched by her parents, even though she was living in the United States and they were in Asia sometimes.  There was no doubt in her “mind” that this was actually true. She knew that there was no distance except in thought.  And no space, either.  When she would ride in a car, she would imagine that she was still, not moving, while the world passed by – the windshield became a theater, and she was the audience!

 

From a very early age she developed a witness perspective which became the observer of her in the world, but especially of herself.  One day, when she was older and almost an adult, she heard a guru say that becoming the witness was a special spiritual practice; this resonated with what she already knew and had been doing for such a long time.

 

It also seemed that if one did not witness, then it was  like being in a trance – the trance of believing that one was only the sum total of their thoughts and experiences.  She fine-tuned this art of witnessing to the degree that she observed closely every aspect of her daily actions.  So fine was this tuning-in, that she would be able to anticipate when a particular thought would enter into her awareness, and she would even laugh out loud when repetitive thoughts would appear as clouds of learned reactions.  From this vantage, she came to know that she was the indwelling consciousness that was always present: it was always first on the scene!  She had become the conscious observer.

 

She came to know that there was this “person” who seemed to be born and reborn whenever there was a thought, and that this person claimed the center stage.  This big-headed person’s name was “I.”  She came to know that this I-person was actually a collection of thoughts, and that the I-person was the one who other people reacted to.

 

People who were defined by their thoughts were reacting to everyone else’s thoughts.  She used to laugh at this funny show.  But then, it wasn’t always funny.  Because as she continued to view life and the world in this way as she became an adult, she realized that it was because of these reactions that wars and violence occurred.  People defended their thoughts as if the thoughts were who they were! 

 

Whenever she became involved in a clash of ideas, she would implore the other person just to try not to take it personally, or, to try to forget about personal problems and get on with the subject at hand.  Sadly, she was always surprised at how identified people were with their collection of thoughts, that they would rather defend than let go of these I-thoughts.

***

This is an excerpt from a booklet I wrote.  If you would like to read the entire story,  click this link:  The Last Question

 

 

 

Anatomy of an Ego, or Will the Real "I" Come Forward?

The "I" casts off the illusion of "I" and yet remains as "I".
Such is the paradox of realization.   Ramana Maharshi

In the beginning of the spiritual quest, the focus of one's attention turns within in direct proportion to a growing awareness that the world appears to be an endless turning wheel, spinning back and forth between pleasures and sufferings.   The seeker of truth begins to search for what is real and lasting.

Ramana has said that the "I" casts off the illusion of false "i" and that this is a paradox.  There are not two "I's!"  It is a paradox only for the personal "i!" 

When the first thought “I am” arises in Consciousness, it is the first relationship actually - that of the form and formlessness (consider the divine metaphor of Shiva and Shakti, experiencing separateness only to merge as One again and again)   In this play of consciousness, Maya (or ignorance of Consciousness) appears.  I, me and mine thus are born into a world created by this ignorance of separation and since the world, by definition, will always reflect the first thought of separation, it (the world) also appears as separate and all the conditions to support this false view arise simultaneously, such as time and space.

So now an "individual" has been born into a world (a mental landscape) of struggle for survival.  Thought to be separate, it always lives in fear and helplessly chases pleasurable experiences and tries to avoid painful experiences.  All it ever truly wants is to be happy and to love and be loved, and moreover, to live forever!  There is a subconscious knowing that these desires are somehow attainable, although the world disproves their possibility, keeping one constantly on a circular maze. 

Here now we come full circle: when the individual, lost in the world made real in her own mind, but through persistent sincere and earnest inquiry into the nature of reality, having realized that the world as known by the body and its senses, and the mind and its thoughts, is unsatisfying, and basically like an endless wheel spinning the same untruths over and over, like a stuck record   -----   an alchemy occurs and the Witness appears in Awareness.  At first, small moments of clarity and insight, and through increased and consistent inquiry, a shift occurs wherein the individual, or false "i", is seen as an object of perception by this Witness quality of the Absolute Self.  At this stage, the world with all its changing scenes, along with the personal "i", is seen with increasing clarity and insight to be unreal because it is always changing!  The sincere seeker of truth is now inquiring into what is Real (unchanging) and it also becomes evident at this point that what was thought to be the knower, her mind, cannot be trusted any longer to guide her quest to the nature of reality and the truth. 

Here is the point of no-return!, the threshold, the jumping off point!  One dallies here because of the fear of giving up what is familiar (albeit unsatisfying).  Jumping off the wheel of life as has been lived up to this point takes tremendous courage.  For some it may be a sudden leap of faith, for others it might take many confrontations.  And for the majority, a rationalization begins to emerge which says one can be spiritual by taking on the outer appearances of what is projected to be a spiritual life.  This is the vast wasteland occupied by seekers who wander from teacher to teacher, from practice to practice, year after year after year, deceiving themselves that they are the spiritually elite!  Unwilling to let go of the false subject position of the false "i" ("child of a barren woman"), they are orphans in an unreal world, never feeling at home or at peace, and using spirituality as a narcotic to tranquilize their helplessness, taking on complicated practices (and sometimes equally complicated lifestyles and clothing!) to give their life a purpose.  They settle for a progressive type of understanding and are deceived into believing that there is a process within a time-frame (initiations, spiritual practices, reincarnations, stages of awareness, etc).  They have traded the possibility of direct experience for the promise of eventual awakening of the false "i;" thus prolonging the fear of losing their familiar world – having their cake and eating it too!

With the first thought, “I am,” which is actually a natural recognition of ones true Self, there occurs the first separation and the birth of ignorance.  This is ego, who does not want to disappear back into the One, so it constructs a world by thinking thoughts, creating a network called “history”, personal and world history!, to identify itself with.  This seems to justify a world of multiplicity in which to roam about, ostensibly seeking eternal happiness but, unfortunately, limiting itself to temporary happiness only, banging its ego-head on repeating cycles of pain and pleasure yet afraid to jump off this man-made prison wheel of repeating cycles, afraid to get off the carousel of the mental states.

Deconstruction is the only cure!
The medicine is self-inquiry.
The means is sincerity and earnestness.

When the first thought is isolated by the grace of witnessing, it is seen only as the natural flow between form and formless, between lover and beloved.  This is the tantric esoteric insight.  From this view, all else is seen as a play of consciousness, said to be playing a game of hide and seek, yet the seeker and the sought, the enjoyer and the enjoyed are now recognized as Being One and the Same, not separate, never was separate and never will be separate.

Ahhh – now the eternal and the infinite become the landscape, not time and space!!!